Haziran 15, 2024

The Neighborhood Chapter Five: Barb

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Randy had joined a gym downtown. He was addicted to working out, the way Josh was to cigarettes. One evening, out on the patio, he asked me if I wanted to go work out with him the next day. I bummed a Marlboro from Josh. “There’s your answer.” Really, working out negates all the good you get from the booze and tobacco. About two weeks after we moved in Randy came home one night with a grin on his face. “I think I’m going to ask out this girl from the gym.” He showed us a slightly out-of-focus cellphone picture. The girl was short, maybe blond, indistinct facial features, and seemed to be standing in a locker room. “What’s so special about her?” I asked. “This is the fourth straight day this chick has “accidentally” wandered into the guys’ locker room. Each time she takes a little longer looking around before saying, ‘Oops, sorry’,” Randy replied. “I’m ready for her tomorrow. She always pulls this shit at about 6:45.” The next evening Randy came home late, almost eight o’clock. Seems he had stayed naked in the locker room from 6:30 to 7:45 and the chick never showed. “I did get one interested party,” he said. “The guy came up to me and asked if I came there often. Then he asked me if I’d ever considered shaving my pubic hair istanbul travesti the way he had. I looked down and saw he was hard. I told him I was flattered, but I was also straight.” Randy went out to a bar with us over the weekend looking for snatch, but came up empty. Just like the rest of us. Paul actually got a girl who was real interested and was all over him. She was making out with him in a booth and had her hand on his crotch. I figured Paul had gotten lucky. When she came up for air Randy laughed. He recognized the girl so he walked over to talk to her. “Hi, there,” said Randy. “I haven’t seen you since yesterday when you showed me your shaved dick and balls in the locker room.” It’s a wonder what makeup and a wig will do for a guy’s appearance. Paul politely thanked “her” for the attention, and joined us at the bar. We had all struck out. Monday Randy was back in the gym. This time, on the dot, the girl walked “accidentally” into the guys’ locker room at 6:45. Randy told us the story. “You seem to be lost. Can I help you?” Randy was naked and absently tugging at his tool. “Yeah, I’m looking for the power tools department,” she replied with a grin. “You got any?” “I have a wonder-tool on special. istanbul travestileri It’s a combination jackhammer, piston-slammer and muff-flattener all rolled into one. It can even work as a hole-digger.” Randy had minored in English in college and was pretty inventive with words. “I was hoping for a larger model,” the girl replied, and then laughed. “You’re cute.” He said they chatted for about ten minutes while the girl gave his tool a closer feel. “And it’s a hand tool also!” she exclaimed. Fifteen minutes later, they were in the back of Randy’s van. Twenty minutes after that they were both short of breath and satisfied. They got down to small talk. “I’m Randy. What’s your name?” I’m not sure, but I don’t think I had ever in my life asked that question after sex. “I’m Barb. I can see that you’re randy, but what’s your name?” A girl with a sense of humor. They made a date for the next night to meet in the parking lot at 6:45 and skip the charade about the locker room. Barb followed him home in her car. Josh was out with Veronica, so it was just me and Paul on the patio drinking beer and bullshitting. “That woman is going to kill me,” said Paul. “Twice now she’s come over here and flashed her tits at travesti istanbul me, flirted with me, played with my dick, and then left.” It was obvious he was talking about Lucy. “Her sister is a carpet muncher. Maybe she is too?” Paul was searching for some rationale other than ‘Lucy doesn’t want to have sex with me.’ “Probably not,” I said. “I asked Danny yesterday at the store what was up with Lucy. He said she is the world’s premier dick tease. He added that when she’s decided she’s done teasing, she moves in for the kill. He promised you’d get laid, just on Lucy’s terms instead of yours.” That’s when Randy and Barb walked in. They joined us on the patio after hitting the refrigerator for beers. It was pleasant outside, so Randy dropped his clothes in the kitchen and wore only his jock. Barb stayed dressed – for the moment. She asked if we had any cardboard and a marker. Not sure what this was about, Randy retrieved them. Barb made up a sign and stuck it to the wall. “Pants Free Zone.” A few weeks later, she replaced it with a wooden sign atop a stake. It’s still there. We got introductions all around. Barb looked at Paul with mischief in her eyes; Paul said he was hoping he would have a girlfriend shortly. “Well, shit,” said Barb. She unceremoniously stood up and removed her sports bra and cutoffs. No panties- this was a treat. “I was hoping to do a real sexy strip tease for you, but not if you’re unavailable.” “What about for me?” I asked. She looked me up and down, and then frowned.

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